When I was 13 I picked up my first basketball, I was playing at Pallacanestro Alghero. It was love at first sight. In a few months I had already managed to carve out various satisfactions: from a call to the Under 14 national reserve to the Trophy of the Regions to represent Sardinia. I certainly didn’t play as a starter, but I was happy like that, I had been playing for too little time in comparison to the other girls. I arrived at San Salvatore Selargius and played in the national finals and tasted Serie A for the first time. It was a dream, I had been playing for just 4 years and I already had the honor of training with the second best category in Italy. Every year that passed I grew more and more, from shooting to ball handing.
I had a dream, I never thought that someone or something would stop me easily, but instead….
I still remember that moment well: it was a morning in July 2019. I had started going on a diet because for months I had been pointed out to my weight gain and my slowness on the pitch … I started not eating and training for 4 -5 hours a day, the worst thing was this: I thought everything was normal. During the winter I had managed to control myself, but it exploded with the first lockdown. That summer I was throwing up every single crumb I ate, I no longer had my period and had little energy to move.
Season 2020/2021, second serious season with A2, in September I thought I had recovered, instead in November I was under weight, my pants and shirt were huge, I couldn’t run, train, every day I went to the gym with the fear that I might pass out at any time. DCA-related panic attacks (connected in 70% of cases) increased, I couldn’t train one day without running to the locker room crying and feeling guilty about a measly plate of plain vegetables. The love for basketball was still there, but the mind prevailed, in fact the only moments I ate were before training, to be able to do a minimum, obviously with little results. There have been many crises away, sitting at the table with coaches and teammates doing absurd tricks, such as hiding food in a handkerchief, chewing and then going to the bathroom.
Season 201/22, I still didn’t think, an absurd season for me, under psychiatric drugs and crises that I tried to hide from everyone because I wanted to give the air that I was healed, even to myself, just to enter the field. Emotions prevailed and my mind too, still food and my body were my biggest concern, I couldn’t think of anything else, I had to interrupt that season several times, even for a suicide attempt due to an overdose of drugs. February 24, 2022 (I remember the date as if it were yesterday), because it was no longer life, I had lost weight, I could no longer fulfill myself in basketball, my average at school dropped drastically and I was losing more and more friends, it was something that I sent into a crisis so much that he wanted to finish it.
When I saw my mother’s face shattered that day in the hospital and my father crying for the first time in my life while I was performing gastric lavage, I knew I had to react like never before. After the February episode I thought for weeks, basketball was getting worse and worse, I no longer had any motivation or desire to set foot in the gym. After the season I took time for myself, I graduated, which I would never have thought due to my illness that troubled my study – this is also due to my professors who understood the situation, they helped me and it happens. I found that I had values and a great strength within me.
In August, back home (in Croatia) I took the ball back, finally playing with the mentality I needed. Rediscovering my first true love was a strong emotion, I thought: this season I would have honored her like nothing in the world. Playing with my friends from the city that I could keep up with, despite the Croatians’ body, height and common ability, I felt alive. I went to play every day on the pitch, even alone, I was very happy, I couldn’t wait to get back to training seriously.CopyAMP code.
Now we are in September, love has started again, I finally have enthusiasm and desire to improve myself more every day, always aiming high, especially in basketball but also in studies. This year is the year of rebirth, I would call it the year “0”. I hope to be able to surprise myself first and to make the me proud of a short time ago and show her how much strength, in reality, was hiding inside her.
I owe this recovery to many people, really, but my mom will always be in the first place. How many nights did she sleep with me to check if I was still breathing (eating little my organs worked badly), she helped me to study and many other things, thanks mom. I also thank myself, because I owed it to me, because I deserve like everyone else to live a more peaceful life with passions and ambitions. Finally I can eat a pizza with my friends without going into crisis, but above all, I can make a basket.
(by Camilla Demetrio Blecic – Techfind San Salvatore Selargius – via www.basketland.it)